Part of what we are equipped with when we receive Christ is a true ability to forgive and surrender. It’s not us – it is the Holy Spirit working inside of us. These are tools that are at our disposal to use and they give us greater freedom than we have ever experienced before in our lives.

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What is forgiveness? (let the coaches offer their thoughts on what it is. When they’re done, teach the correct meaning.)

(As they are answering this question, ask them to pull out the paper on which they wrote what they wanted to repent from. If someone has lost their slip, give them a new one).

 

Forgiveness is a transaction, where you choose to give up the position of judge, jury and prosecuting attorney and give that to God. It is more than a feeling; it is an action you take to release the person who has harmed you or offended you. You are letting go of the desire to punish or harm the person or to let the anger continue to kindle into a bitter root. 

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Why do we forgive? There are two good reasons. When we become born again believers, God forgives all our sins – past, present and future – because of Jesus’ death on the cross. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Up to this point, this is our status – that we deserve death. We have already been spiritually dead – that happened to our descendants, Adam and Eve when they decided they wanted to be their own “gods” and ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. But our physical and eternal death is payment to God for the sins we commit in our life. 

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But hear this: Christ died for your sins, and you never met Him. He took all your sins, all my sins, all of every single person’s sin on the cross and paid the price so we could be free from that penalty. Romans 5:8 which you’ve heard today already, says, “but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

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So not only did He take all your sin upon Himself, so you don’t have to have an eternal death, but when we become born again believers, we get the opposite – an eternal life. And we are not just sitting on the sidelines hoping to get called in to substitute. We are on the team – Team Jesus. We are adopted into His Family, we are called Heirs, we inherit the Kingdom of God.

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The other reason to forgive is purely selfish. When we hold unforgiveness, we are angry, frustrated, stressed, and this can lead to many other emotional and physical symptoms. But here’s the thing – what do you think is happening to the person who harmed or offended you? Very likely nothing! They may not even realize they offended you! So, holding onto those feelings for so long is like you drinking a little poison every day and hoping the other person will die.

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Sometimes, we struggle forgiving others even as born-again believers because we have some misconceptions about what forgiveness means and the actions required.

So here is what forgiveness is NOT:
•    It is not forgetting what happened
•    It is not excusing what happened or saying it is ok that it happened
•    It is not saying “it’s ok if it happens again” and putting yourself in a position to be harmed again. It is healthy to create boundaries with people who want to cause you harm.

 

Testimony Opportunity:
(Set up 2 chairs, 1 you will sit in and the other one empty and facing your chair. Share your testimony about someone you needed to forgive.) 

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(Now demonstrate the forgiveness prayer).

This is a helpful prayer I use. I am pretending that the person who hurt me is sitting opposite me in the chair. I am speaking to them, remembering all that they did and saying this prayer as I do it. (Say this prayer below, inserting in the person you are forgiving and what they did.) 

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“(Name of person), it hurt me when you (briefly describe how they hurt you) and it made me feel (briefly describe the emotions you felt).

Because I am by nature a forgiving person in Christ, I now choose to forgive you. There is nothing you need to do for me to forgive you. I do it willingly. 

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I give up the right to be judge, jury and prosecuting attorney, and give it to God, whose job it is. I choose to trust Jesus alone to meet my needs for love, affirmation, acceptance, worth, and security.
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(When you’re done, stand back up,  and give this instruction). Now, On other side of the same piece of paper you used for repentance, take a few minutes and write down those people in your life you need to forgive. Talk to God about those people, and when you are some place quiet and private, try out that prayer we did with two chairs. It is very freeing! (Give them 5-10 minutes and observe when to end this time. Then break out into small groups).

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We will break out into small groups and share anything you feel comfortable with sharing. Remember that this is a safe place, what we say here is not shared with anyone else.

(Give them 15-30 minutes as time allows, then call them back together for Surrender).

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The other tool we are going to talk about is Surrender. (Point to the word “Surrender” Fill in with bullets as you teach). What comes to your mind when you think about surrender? (let the coaches give you their thoughts).

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 If you are like many Christians, you may think that surrender means losing control or giving up something that you enjoy in exchange for some potentially uncomfortable or painful circumstance. Whatever the reason is, if we decide not to surrender, it keeps us from what our hearts long for – to see the glory of God realized and experienced in our personal lives.

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The other thought about surrender is that I am giving up my rights. Here we are not talking about legal rights that you have with the government, your job, the football federation. We are talking about the rights you believe you have as a person interacting with other people. So, what are the rights you believe you have? (again, let the coaches give you their thoughts). 

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There are three common positions or attitudes we hold on to:

• “Things must be a certain way in order for me to be okay.” (I need to be healthy, happy, have a certain job, money or career, be married, get divorced, have children, etc.)

• “People must be a certain way in order for me to be okay.” (I need to be loved, understood, and respected by my spouse, child, and friends, have others affirm me, have others be happy, etc.)

• “I must be a certain way in order for me to be okay.” (I need to do the right things, I cannot fail, I need to be perfect, I need to make others happy, I need to be successful, etc.)  

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Here are some common misconceptions about what happens if I surrender:

• “If I surrender, I will lose control and things will get out of control.”

• “Surrender means accepting that I will have difficult circumstances.”

• “If I surrender, things will get worse.”

• “Surrender means letting go of my desires.”

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So here is what surrender IS. Surrender is a position in your mind and heart that puts your dependence on God to live life. It is also an attitude of being willing for the Lord to use any circumstances in our lives to accomplish His purposes and to reveal Himself to us in very personal ways. 

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When your heart and mind are surrendered to God, your actions will reflect that. What does that look like? When we surrender, we let go of our own efforts to manage and control the circumstances, people and our own expectations in our lives. Surrender allows us to truly rest from our own efforts to control and gives us the opportunity to see what God is doing in our lives in very personal and practical ways. 

 

Testimony Opportunity:
(share a testimony you have of when you surrendered to a person, a circumstance or your own expectations for an outcome).

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Now, on that same side of the paper where you wrote those whom you need to forgive, write down people, situations or yourself that you want to surrender. (Give them about 5-10 minutes and observe when to end the time. Now you’ll be collecting the pieces of paper in a hat, a box or any container, and taking the coaches outside to form a large circle around the area you will use for the lighting of the papers.)

Please follow me outside. We are going to form a large circle around me so everyone is in the circle and can see what I am going to do.

(Once outside, empty the contents of the container, coat it heavily with hand sanitizer, and light it on fire. Have a stick ready to move the papers around and make sure all of it burns till there is nothing but ash.)

(Ask if there is anyone who wants to share their testimony about this process of repentance, forgiveness and surrender. Check your time – allow as much as possible.) 

 

Supporting Scripture for Forgiveness (You can write the reference on the chart and or read your choice of verses to the audience)

• Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

• Romans 5:8 But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

• Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

• Mark 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

• 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just forgives our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

Supporting Scripture for Surrender (You can write the reference on the chart and or read your choice of verses to the audience)

• Romans 6:13  Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God.

• Romans 12:1  And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 

• James 4:7  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

• Hebrews 13:15  Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name.

 

Small Group Breakout – Questions to consider

• What are some situations you have in your life that need forgiveness?

• What aspects of your life are you trying to control and may need to give to God?